Honesty ()

Honesty
Posted by Angelfood on July 1, 2009 at 14:59:50

In reply to: new leaf* posted by secretly22 on July 1, 2009 at 12:18:17*

S22 - you've always made FAR more of this "relationship" with your MM in your own mind, than what was ever actually there between the two of you.

And, let's face it, since he dumped you and left you hanging after you finally slept with him, it's been YOU chasing after him to continue contact by phone, txt, IM.

If you are ready to get real about having an R with this SG, and want to stop keeping your MM "on the side" in any capacity - and if you really think it's necessary to explain to MM that you won't be chasing after him anymore - my suggestion is that you just tell the MM that you're with somebody now and that you really don't want to talk to MM anymore. You don't have to be mean or rude - just tell him the truth.

At that point, though, it's up to YOU really stop reaching out to the MM in an effort to keep something going with him.

> So I think my MM days are ending. I am really happy with my SG…It feels real with sg…which is soooo scary. I am falling for him, and it’s like there are no bounds, we can fall into oblivion, which is terrifying. My career is advancing, and we talked about maybe moving in together in the relatively near future...kinda soon, but still, its feasible! Which is, yeah scary as hell, but it makes me smile…
>
> …with my MM I fell for him, I loved him, but it’s like there was an ending point, which allowed for some twisted sense of security and control (I guess).
>
> But yeah, I’ve only talked to the MM a few times in the past few weeks/month since I’ve been with my SG. And each time, I’ve felt guilty about it. So I told my SG about him, and that he calls still. SG asked me, “Do you still want to be with him?” and I said “No, I want to be with you” and it was the truest thing I’ve ever said. I guess I hadn’t really put it mentally into black and white before. But know it is…
>
> I told MM about my SG, and he was very negative. He said it wasn’t real, that SG was lying etc. So I told him, that he should talk. But then he apologized and “pretended” to care.
>
> I guess I’m asking for advice on how to tell MM that I was NC (save the occasional email). And I know many of you will say forget MM and just tell him…essentially…F-off. But that’s not how I operate. I cannot be mean to him. So please, if I can request—just nice sentiments on how to end it.
>
> (never thought I’d be here…=) crazy!)

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> S22 - you've always made FAR more of this "relationship" with your MM in your own mind, than what was ever actually there between the two of you. > > And, let's face it, since he dumped you and left you hanging after you finally slept with him, it's been YOU chasing after him to continue contact by phone, txt, IM. > > If you are ready to get real about having an R with this SG, and want to stop keeping your MM "on the side" in any capacity - and if you really think it's necessary to explain to MM that you won't be chasing after him anymore - my suggestion is that you just tell the MM that you're with somebody now and that you really don't want to talk to MM anymore. You don't have to be mean or rude - just tell him the truth. > > At that point, though, it's up to YOU really stop reaching out to the MM in an effort to keep something going with him. > > > > So I think my MM days are ending. I am really happy with my SG…It feels real with sg…which is soooo scary. I am falling for him, and it’s like there are no bounds, we can fall into oblivion, which is terrifying. My career is advancing, and we talked about maybe moving in together in the relatively near future...kinda soon, but still, its feasible! Which is, yeah scary as hell, but it makes me smile… > > > > …with my MM I fell for him, I loved him, but it’s like there was an ending point, which allowed for some twisted sense of security and control (I guess). > > > > But yeah, I’ve only talked to the MM a few times in the past few weeks/month since I’ve been with my SG. And each time, I’ve felt guilty about it. So I told my SG about him, and that he calls still. SG asked me, “Do you still want to be with him?” and I said “No, I want to be with you” and it was the truest thing I’ve ever said. I guess I hadn’t really put it mentally into black and white before. But know it is… > > > > I told MM about my SG, and he was very negative. He said it wasn’t real, that SG was lying etc. So I told him, that he should talk. But then he apologized and “pretended” to care. > > > > I guess I’m asking for advice on how to tell MM that I was NC (save the occasional email). And I know many of you will say forget MM and just tell him…essentially…F-off. But that’s not how I operate. I cannot be mean to him. So please, if I can request—just nice sentiments on how to end it. > > > > (never thought I’d be here…=) crazy!)