I've been ()

I've been
Posted by z on July 3, 2009 at 11:29:15

In reply to: last night* posted by lillybee on July 3, 2009 at 10:55:20*

where you are with your guy.

I basically told him that I didn't want to do things on his schedule and that it was a relationship that should be convenient to both of us. He told me that I was more into him than he is into me (which may have been the case). So I basically told him that if he really felt that way, then he is just wasting my time so I'll cut my losses and leave.

Did just that.

I'm not saying to do what I did. I left with no intentions of seeing him ever again. He did call me and ask me for another chance. Nurtured 'us' a bit more and then he was kinda mean when I needed support so I dumped him again. Got back together and told him my boundaries, comfort zone, how to communicate with me (by conversation not by article) and things are working out quite well.

Don't wait on him to do things. If he says he'll call you back and let you know, don't expect him to come by or do what you want. So go and do what you want to do with someone else and enjoy your life.

> Thank you guys for all the responses. All of you make sense. I need to get over the fear I have with communicating. I guess it's from a couple of things. One is the fear of making things worse or instigate a problem bigger than there is. And him walking away. I know this is nuts. But I think part of the reason I have this is because when I have brought up my thoughts and needs in the past... he would either do something about it and then go back to the way it was...or give himself excuses as to why he does what he does.. and I would notice resentment later. I guess I don’t know where my crap gets in the way and where his begins.
> Yesterday I called him around 9pm to find out if he made it back to work since he had to take his car into a shop. No answer. I left a message just saying how's it going...and wanted to know what happened with his car. He called me back 45 min later. He was on his way home from work. We started talking a bit about all that. Then I asked him if he wanted to do something last night since we are both now officially on vacation for a week... and to get a head start. I mentioned the movies or something. He said he was not sure... that he was really tired. I suggested it because he did not sound tired at all... but then I told him OK...well how about then just coming over to watch some TV and go to sleep like you said you would do at home? He said he was not sure and that he would call me back in a bit. He lives 10 min from his house...and with a roommate that he can’t stand. And neither do I so I don’t go to his house. It’s been like that for months. So he called me an hour later. He asked me what I was doing. Then said he was just going to crash... that he was tired... and that we could go to the gym and some stores he wants to go to today. I was very silent, I did not say much. I just said OK to almost everything. Then he said he would call me when he wakes up. That was 12 hours ago. It really bothered me. And this is where I don’t know if it's my issues. I don't understand what the big sacrifice was? I emphasized over the phone initially that I really missed him, and wanted to see him. That was not enough to let him understand? Am I just being selfish? I mean... I don’t know for how long we will be together once he comes over. He might stay for days at a time... but what the heck would a few hours matter? I would think that when you really care for someone...you can’t wait to see them and any opportunity you have you go. How about when your SO tells you how much they really want to see you and miss you... it’s been days since you had more than 15 min around each other or talk at all... wouldn’t someone be considerate of the other persons feelings? I never ask this of him. We are on a schedule...that is built around him and when he can do things. And the one time I ask for him to go outside that routine... he can’t.
>
> I don’t know how to talk about this. I don’t want to sound bitchy or winey.
>
> All I know is that when we both hung up... I cried. Am I the one that is wrong about this?

Follow Ups

Post Followup

Name:
Subject:
> where you are with your guy. > > I basically told him that I didn't want to do things on his schedule and that it was a relationship that should be convenient to both of us. He told me that I was more into him than he is into me (which may have been the case). So I basically told him that if he really felt that way, then he is just wasting my time so I'll cut my losses and leave. > > Did just that. > > I'm not saying to do what I did. I left with no intentions of seeing him ever again. He did call me and ask me for another chance. Nurtured 'us' a bit more and then he was kinda mean when I needed support so I dumped him again. Got back together and told him my boundaries, comfort zone, how to communicate with me (by conversation not by article) and things are working out quite well. > > Don't wait on him to do things. If he says he'll call you back and let you know, don't expect him to come by or do what you want. So go and do what you want to do with someone else and enjoy your life. > > > Thank you guys for all the responses. All of you make sense. I need to get over the fear I have with communicating. I guess it's from a couple of things. One is the fear of making things worse or instigate a problem bigger than there is. And him walking away. I know this is nuts. But I think part of the reason I have this is because when I have brought up my thoughts and needs in the past... he would either do something about it and then go back to the way it was...or give himself excuses as to why he does what he does.. and I would notice resentment later. I guess I don’t know where my crap gets in the way and where his begins. > > Yesterday I called him around 9pm to find out if he made it back to work since he had to take his car into a shop. No answer. I left a message just saying how's it going...and wanted to know what happened with his car. He called me back 45 min later. He was on his way home from work. We started talking a bit about all that. Then I asked him if he wanted to do something last night since we are both now officially on vacation for a week... and to get a head start. I mentioned the movies or something. He said he was not sure... that he was really tired. I suggested it because he did not sound tired at all... but then I told him OK...well how about then just coming over to watch some TV and go to sleep like you said you would do at home? He said he was not sure and that he would call me back in a bit. He lives 10 min from his house...and with a roommate that he can’t stand. And neither do I so I don’t go to his house. It’s been like that for months. So he called me an hour later. He asked me what I was doing. Then said he was just going to crash... that he was tired... and that we could go to the gym and some stores he wants to go to today. I was very silent, I did not say much. I just said OK to almost everything. Then he said he would call me when he wakes up. That was 12 hours ago. It really bothered me. And this is where I don’t know if it's my issues. I don't understand what the big sacrifice was? I emphasized over the phone initially that I really missed him, and wanted to see him. That was not enough to let him understand? Am I just being selfish? I mean... I don’t know for how long we will be together once he comes over. He might stay for days at a time... but what the heck would a few hours matter? I would think that when you really care for someone...you can’t wait to see them and any opportunity you have you go. How about when your SO tells you how much they really want to see you and miss you... it’s been days since you had more than 15 min around each other or talk at all... wouldn’t someone be considerate of the other persons feelings? I never ask this of him. We are on a schedule...that is built around him and when he can do things. And the one time I ask for him to go outside that routine... he can’t. > > > > I don’t know how to talk about this. I don’t want to sound bitchy or winey. > > > > All I know is that when we both hung up... I cried. Am I the one that is wrong about this?