Few Months ()

Few Months
Posted by movin_silence on July 3, 2009 at 17:23:01

In reply to: Re: Yes.... Movin????* posted by I am strong on July 3, 2009 at 16:55:08*

Maybe they all share the same script! LOL!

Last time I saw Xmm was winter. My reaction to the things he said was basically..you know this is gonna end, and the final way it's gonna happen is thru NC; I don't see any other way, because I will come to resent you. He basically glossed right over what I said and we went on to enjoy the rest of the evening. As always, there is no discussion of these things when you see eachother a couple times a year; everytime I was faced with...I can spend my time discussing something that will never change, or enjoy the time we had together. I always went for the latter. He mentioned how much stronger I was then him; that he couldn't stay away from me. I drove home that night, upset as usual, strung out and exhausted, and simply thought...I'm done. I'm fried. I am constantly volunteering to bang my head against the wall. I am doing this to myself. I am signing up for continual disappointment; and that wasn't fair to me, to him; as we're both married.

So I just stopped; without any further warning to him, I just stopped.

So in the 5 or so months, he's reached out to me 3 times; weak attempts, at best; just hi, checking in to see how you're doing texts; then, are you happier with Zero contact? Then...I'm in town, have dinner with me. The last one was Friday night; he rang my phone and just hung up; but of course his # registered. So He's not fighting for me, that's for sure. And why should he. He said he's content with his life. I think men are better at compartmentalizing the different aspects of their lives and aren't emotionally impacted like women.

and it hasn't been easy darling. A LOT of rough times and I'm sure still more ahead. I have to act like everything is fine in my real life, meanwhile Im missing him terribly and deeply saddened and am grateful (like today) when I have moments of being numb.

But at least I have my dignity, he doesn't see (or HEAR!) the pain im going thru and just how much this whole thing has f'd me up. That consoles me, a little bit anyway.

My Xmm told me once he couldn't stand the thought of me not being in his life. I really enjoy your company; the sex isn't the most important thing; I'm at an age where that isn't as important to me as it probably is to you(he's 20 yrs my senior).
> >
> > You made me laugh IAS with the happy-go-lucky crap; And I thought mine was the only one who could act so chipper all the time; meanwhile, I just want to cry, and choke him senseless.
> >
> > So ya know what; I don't pretend anymore; it literally goes against the grain of who I am. So I decided to drop the fake bullshit and go NC. Do I feel like I'm dying and wanting to cry most of the time? Absolutely! But at least I'm not giving anymore of myself and have some dignity left, which helps me move on.
>
>
> Movin, I have been hearing those exact same words you just said from your mm , what the hell ????? Ok now I am getting mad. Ok so how long NC for you AND how has he handled that?

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> Maybe they all share the same script! LOL! > > Last time I saw Xmm was winter. My reaction to the things he said was basically..you know this is gonna end, and the final way it's gonna happen is thru NC; I don't see any other way, because I will come to resent you. He basically glossed right over what I said and we went on to enjoy the rest of the evening. As always, there is no discussion of these things when you see eachother a couple times a year; everytime I was faced with...I can spend my time discussing something that will never change, or enjoy the time we had together. I always went for the latter. He mentioned how much stronger I was then him; that he couldn't stay away from me. I drove home that night, upset as usual, strung out and exhausted, and simply thought...I'm done. I'm fried. I am constantly volunteering to bang my head against the wall. I am doing this to myself. I am signing up for continual disappointment; and that wasn't fair to me, to him; as we're both married. > > So I just stopped; without any further warning to him, I just stopped. > > So in the 5 or so months, he's reached out to me 3 times; weak attempts, at best; just hi, checking in to see how you're doing texts; then, are you happier with Zero contact? Then...I'm in town, have dinner with me. The last one was Friday night; he rang my phone and just hung up; but of course his # registered. So He's not fighting for me, that's for sure. And why should he. He said he's content with his life. I think men are better at compartmentalizing the different aspects of their lives and aren't emotionally impacted like women. > > and it hasn't been easy darling. A LOT of rough times and I'm sure still more ahead. I have to act like everything is fine in my real life, meanwhile Im missing him terribly and deeply saddened and am grateful (like today) when I have moments of being numb. > > But at least I have my dignity, he doesn't see (or HEAR!) the pain im going thru and just how much this whole thing has f'd me up. That consoles me, a little bit anyway. > > > My Xmm told me once he couldn't stand the thought of me not being in his life. I really enjoy your company; the sex isn't the most important thing; I'm at an age where that isn't as important to me as it probably is to you(he's 20 yrs my senior). > > > > > > You made me laugh IAS with the happy-go-lucky crap; And I thought mine was the only one who could act so chipper all the time; meanwhile, I just want to cry, and choke him senseless. > > > > > > So ya know what; I don't pretend anymore; it literally goes against the grain of who I am. So I decided to drop the fake bullshit and go NC. Do I feel like I'm dying and wanting to cry most of the time? Absolutely! But at least I'm not giving anymore of myself and have some dignity left, which helps me move on. > > > > > > Movin, I have been hearing those exact same words you just said from your mm , what the hell ????? Ok now I am getting mad. Ok so how long NC for you AND how has he handled that?