Re: struggling ()

Re: struggling
Posted by hpnsfinder on July 29, 2010 at 23:49:56

In reply to: struggling* posted by Kel on July 29, 2010 at 10:05:08*

(((((kel)))))

I haven't been writing here for a while but I had to send you a hug when I read this because I am having exactly same experience and thoughts. I know I deserve much better than how he treated me and he doesn't care about how I feel when he disappears from me at his convenience, but somehow I fall back into my own guilt and break NC or give in to him in the end.

I broke NC after I posted here last time. Now I'm on NC again. I honestly don't know how long I can continue or if I can truly move on. I once read others telling me don't do this unless I can stick to it. I find myself keep failing so this won't do any good, but at least I'm trying... I keep telling myself that he is married to someone else, he won't leave his wife and kids, I shouldn't be a home wracker, I should think about how his wife must feel about this, I deserve to be treated better and I want to be loved by someone who wants only to be with me.

It's hard...but he will be where he wants to be whether I go NC or not. I didn't give any reasons to him, either. I'm preparing the last talk. Not for him, but for my own peace of mind. I wish I can never look back after that.

> I'm struggling, just like many others here. I'll be ok, but, the one thing that bothers me about going NC with XMM is that, I just ended it, no explanation, nothing.
> I wonder if this is just me wanting to reach out, or is it truly the right way to end things...like, should I explain myself and say goodbye? End it peacefully, put it all to rest...of course, then, I would get sucked in all over again or hurt I'm sure. uggghh

Follow Ups

Re: struggling Kel 09:48:39 7/30/2010 (0)
Re: struggling Jennifer 02:16:25 7/30/2010 (0)

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> (((((kel))))) > > I haven't been writing here for a while but I had to send you a hug when I read this because I am having exactly same experience and thoughts. I know I deserve much better than how he treated me and he doesn't care about how I feel when he disappears from me at his convenience, but somehow I fall back into my own guilt and break NC or give in to him in the end. > > I broke NC after I posted here last time. Now I'm on NC again. I honestly don't know how long I can continue or if I can truly move on. I once read others telling me don't do this unless I can stick to it. I find myself keep failing so this won't do any good, but at least I'm trying... I keep telling myself that he is married to someone else, he won't leave his wife and kids, I shouldn't be a home wracker, I should think about how his wife must feel about this, I deserve to be treated better and I want to be loved by someone who wants only to be with me. > > It's hard...but he will be where he wants to be whether I go NC or not. I didn't give any reasons to him, either. I'm preparing the last talk. Not for him, but for my own peace of mind. I wish I can never look back after that. > > > I'm struggling, just like many others here. I'll be ok, but, the one thing that bothers me about going NC with XMM is that, I just ended it, no explanation, nothing. > > I wonder if this is just me wanting to reach out, or is it truly the right way to end things...like, should I explain myself and say goodbye? End it peacefully, put it all to rest...of course, then, I would get sucked in all over again or hurt I'm sure. uggghh