Dear Emerald,
I have started seeing my MM for two months. Well now
I am pregnant and I have told him. He asked me what
did I want to do and I told him if he was asking to
have an abortion the answer is no.
Then he started going on about how his wife would
just
freak out and how he would be financially screwed.
He said his wife has been his financial support net
since he has not recovered from all the debt from his
ex-wife. He started asking me what was my views about
abortion. I have had an abortion when I was 19. I
already had a son at that time was about a year and a
half. I got pregnant when I was 17 and him when I was
18. My son's father told me to have an abortion
because he didn't want the one child we had together
and he sure didn't want another one. I left him and
went home. I was on welfare at the time and didn't
have a job. My son's father cheated on me all the time
and all I was to him was a piece of ass. I know this
now. I didn't think I could take care of two children
because I wasn't doing that great of a job with my
son. I'm talking about financially. Well I decided to
have an abortion.
Well I told my MM all this and how I think about this
decision I made in my life almost everyday. I told him
there was alot of physical and emotional pain in
this choice for me. Well he asked me how I felt about
adoption and I said that if I carried the baby to term
then I just could not give the baby up. Then he
started
talking about an abortion pill and what I thought
about that. I said that is the same thing as an
abortion. I started crying and he held me. He asked me
if I was going to go tell his wife and I said no.
He said if/when he told her that she would beat him
up and leave him or forgive him and be mad at him for
a couple of years. He said he was sorry if he was
acting like a dick about this. we talked about a few
more things then he left. I could tell he was
upset and worried.
Well I told him friday after work and I e-mailed him
later on. I talked about the choices and what I should
do. I got his reply and he wants me to reconsider and
have an abortion. He said he would pay for it and be
there with me the whole time.. He said he would have
mental problems as well as I would.
YEAH RIGHT! He would have RELIEF! He doesn't have to
go through it and he said we could work on the guilt
together. I just can't help to think if I had an
abortion he would just wipe the sweat from his head
and say see ya. I want to think he would be there for
me. I know if I decide to have the baby or have an
abortion I will lose him either way. I would
not have the baby just to keep him around because I
would still lose him either choice.
I explained to him in my e-mail about how I think
about my decision when I was 19. I think how old the
child would be every year and wonder what he or she
would look like.
The other problem is that we work together. He is an
engineer (company) and I am in production. The policy
is against someone of company seeing anyone that
isn't. My friend said he would lose his job not me.
He said no where in our handbook states we can't see
anyone. He said now in the office it a whole different
story. It is stated for them. He told me I could tell
everyone it was his baby so no one would suspect the
MM.
I am so upset about everything and don't know what
to do. I want to tell him not to worry I'll take care
of the baby and he can just live happy with his wife.
I'm now on my feet and financially ok. It has taken me
time but I have done it. I started getting on my feet
after I was 19 and it took me a little over a year. My
son was 3 and now he will be 6 in Jan. I think I have
came a long way to get wher I am now.
It hasn't been easy but I have done it and very
proud that I have done it without his father. My
family has helped me alot. Now I'll have to do it for
this baby and I will probalby do it alone without MM
help.
Thanks for listening to me and tell me what you
think.
Signed,
Jennifer
Dear Jennifer
Look. Both of you made one serious mistake. You
slept together without protection. That is now in the
past and there is nothing you can do to turn back the
clock.
But here's the deal. Your MM had a wife and child at
home while he was out boinking you without protection.
He subjected all of you to the possibility of your
pregnancy, plus he subjected his family to the
possibility of STDs. This is not to make you into
"the unclean one". It is simply a fact. He acted
without consideration for anyone, period.
And now, who is bearing the consequences?
Honey, please quit thinking of him and his problems
and protecting him! You have alot to think about,
namely the welfare of your Self and your baby.
From your letter it seems clear that an abortion will
be devastating for you. If you cannot bear the
thought of aborting the child, and you feel like you
are stable enough to be a mother of two, then by all
means, do NOT have an abortion to save MM's marriage!!
If you want this child, it is time to tell MM of your
decision. Period. It is also time to seek legal
counsel about the pros and cons of legally
establishing him as your child's father.
Hon, neither you nor MM protected yourselves from your
pregnancy. It is not up to you to bear his burden.
I would be very cautious about if, and how his wife
finds out about your pregnancy. If she has a tendancy
towards violence, you want to be well protected from
her possible revenge once the pain of the betrayal
hits her.
Please get legal counsel and post on the boards to get
advice from people in your situation.
Love - e
