Confused

Dear Emerald,

I started seeing my MM almost 2 years ago. After a year of a wonderful relationship, he just stopped communication. He lived in another town, so our paths would never normally cross.

Now,today after one year, he wrote me e mail, telling me he stopped seeing me (without a word) because his wife found out. Besides finding out about our affair, she also revealed to him that she had cancer. He said that he felt horrible, and no matter what he felt like he had to be there for her mentally and physically and couldnt even communicate with me again because of his weakness, and afraid that he would see me again and not be able to resist temptation.

He then states that now they have found out that she is terminal, and he added....."looks like i am going to lose my darling wife." He then tells me that his feelings for me have not changed and are as strong as ever, and that he cherishes our special time together.

My question, is why is he communicating with me after one year of silence? I am very confused. I still love him, and am sure I will love him forever, because I found my soulmate in him. I would never interfere with this situation and would not see him under the present circumstances. I just want to know what he was trying to tell me.

Signed,
seaurchin

Dear seaurchin

Sorry, I don't like this guy. But that means nothing. I love HATING everybody else's MMs but finding the "special" qualities of my xMM that make him different.

See, isn't that what we all do?

I think your MM is saying: Toots. Looks like I'm going to be alone soon. Just checking if you're still around.

Maybe the man truly loves you. But if he does, he has a damned elusive way of showing it, OK? OOOPS, I'm B!MM (Busted!MM), I'll disappear without a word because I love her so much and care about her feelings and emotional state and pshychological well being SO MUCH. Right?

If his wife dies of cancer, he will need to grieve her loss. My opinion is this: let him do all of his losing and grieving without you. Do not offer to be a shoulder to cry on, a warm hug, etc. Offer nothing. It is not your place to absorb the pain he feels from losing his wife.

If and when he loses his wife and is ready to start over again, let him come find you. He would then need to prove his worthiness, not treat you like an old stand-by waiting for Prince Charming's arrival.

In the meantime, I hope you go out there and be a wonderful, caring loving woman to all of those around you and therefore attract someone who can love you now for who you are instead of later, maybe.

Love - e

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