Cowards

I read the board and hear the OW call the xMM's cowards when they leave them and decide to stay with W! Maybe I'm looking at this in a strange way, but isn't it more cowardly to run from the stress of a troubled marriage to a emr. The least cowardly part of a emr would be admitting one is wrong and facing ones family and working like hell to save a marriage. What is your opinion on this.

Dear hurtbyu -

It is impossible for people to understand what goes on in an affair unless and until you have been there.

Having said that, I, of course, never tire of trying to explain. So call me crazy.

The fact that so many OWs find their "soulmates" in an MM is not attributable to a genetic glitch in the OW that forces her to utter the word "soulmate" after experiencing an MM.

It is testament to the fact that many women and many married men fill deep and specific needs in each other, become vulnerable to each other in ways they may not allow themselves in other relationships, and bond in body, mind and spirit in ways that many may have never before experienced. (Thanks Stomper).

This is not stuff of an international OW rumor mill disbursed to try to piss off wives. This is what happens.

While this is happening, the MM is saying things to the OW which reflect what they both experience. He tells her how much he loves her. He tells her that he has never felt this way, laughed this way, talked this openly, loved this deeply, before. He tells her that this is the meaning of joy. Et. Cetera.

In many cases, he also acts as if he is trapped by some unseen, unnamed force in his marriage. He acts as if there is an invisible rope tying him to his family that holds him there against his will. He acts like a victim of his OWN circumstance.

It is the perogative of wives to call him a coward for not working on the marriage. It is the perogative of the OW to call him a coward for not standing up for what he PROCLAIMED was his true joy and happiness.

Having said that, I have a question for you.

Is it really an act of strength to admit you are wrong just because somebody else thinks you are wrong and should admit it?

Is it possibly an act of strength to go against all the rules and then stand up and say "This is who I am, telling you what you want to hear?

And finally, who is to judge what is courage or weakness anyway? Not me.

Love - e

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