Disappearing MM< Dear Emerald,

I have known my MM for 5 years, dated for 6 months. After believing that he'd leave her, move out...he's done none of the above. He's young. 27 I'm 29. Married her after dating for 6 years, and deliverd upon family expectations etc.

Now he's vanished after telling me that he was discussing officially separating. I guess she got to him. He hasn't called to let me know anything. Without sounding young & idealistic, please believe me when I say that I know he loves me - we've been best friends! now I dont know what to do.

I want to let him know how I feel and how angry I am he doesn't at least have the courage to tell me what decisions he's made, but if I contact him I feel like the weaker one.

Do I have a right to let him know how I feel?

I know I have the right, but do you think it's wise? Should i just let it go - if so, I don't know how, The only way I see this possibility is if I convince myself that I hate him.

Signed,
Anonymous

Dear Anonymous

My response certainly will not win me any friends with the betrayed spouses, but I do think you have a right to tell him how you feel. He involved you in his life and disappeared. To me, that is simply cruel, as cheating on his wife is cruel.

The question you need to answer for yourself, however, is what is the best way for you to move on? If you contact him again, will it throw you back? What is your ultimate purpose?

Write the letter. Get it all out on paper. Make some copies. Burn at least one. Burn 12 if you can, once each day. Imagine your whole relationship burning with that paper. Go off in a rage to your friends. Post on the vent board. Feel your feelings and let them out unconditionally.

If you still feel like you have to contact him, probably nothing will stop you anyway. Whatever you do, make LEARNING from this awful lesson and moving on your goals. Focus on that. Make sure you do the inner work you need so that you never repeat this painful lesson again.

Love - e

Do you agree or disagree with Emerald? Visit "The Last Word" and let her know what you think!

Back to Ask-e