He's left! what next?

I am writing this to all of you whose MM has left his wife in some capacity, but who are still not living a happily ever after with a single and joyous MM.

I am writing: Emerald's Doomsday Scenario of, "He Left! What Next?

This scenario is written from my own and others'personal experience. The Doomsday Approach is in honor of a flame I really liked, and to alert you to the worst possible cases so you can enter into this phase fully conscious. Dear ol Em does NOT like to see people doubled up in pain because they did not see what was coming.

So. The Doomsday Scenario

When MM makes the move to separate from his wife, and physically removes himself from his house, his own emotional rollercoaster truly begins. It's as if all of the emotions he has kept under control during the time of lies and deceit overtake him.

He will feel deeply depressed. He will feel a great amount of guilt for hurting his wife (and children if he has any), and will feel a deep sense of failure as a husband and a father.

He will wonder if he has made the right choice. He will wonder if he knows what love means, or if he is out of his mind.

He will be petrified at the thought of losing his money in the divorce, and he will be petrified at the thought of losing the love of his children.

He will want his wife to understand why he is doing this. He will want her approval. He will want her blessings. He will want to know if she will be OK.

If she does not know about you, he will want to keep you very hidden, especially now, until the terms of the divorce are final.

He will want to appease her.

He will be completely consumed with himself. He will be obsessed with his marriage and divorce, and obsessed with the question, "Am I doing the right thing?"

He may wonder if he loves you. He may love you passionately and wholeheartedly. He may wonder what he is doing with you. He may wonder how he lived without you. He may wonder if he hasnt made the biggest mistake of his existence. He may not really, truly know the answer.

He will need you to comfort him. He will need you to give him space. He will need you to tell him you love him. He will need you to go away. He will need you to call him. He will need you to not call him. He will need you to make love. He will need you to not make love.

In time, and nobody knows how much time for any individual man, he will either settle into his new life without his wife and family, or he will not.

There are far too many stories of MMs who, after moving in with OW, go back.

Your job during all of this is to protect yourself from his stress. It is all too easy to want to take care of him and lessen his pain and confusion, but the stress of his rollercoaster can really cause you emotional and physical harm.

It is important to remember that now more than ever, he cannot be there for you. He is too confused and
hurting to have anything to give to you.

Nobody can truly predict if he will stay "left" or if he will go back. It is a catch -22 for the OW because your insecurities increase horribly at a time when he is less able to reassure you that he is really going
to divorce for good.

This Doomsday Scenario is to serve as a reminder that you must prepare for the chaos he will be experiencing, and protect yourself as much as possible while it is happening. It is a reminder that endings
take a long time, and he will need time.

You need to get very clear on your own needs and boundaries during this time. Do not be afraid to set rules to protect yourself, even if it feels like those rules are pushing him away. In the end, whether you
two have a happily ever after or not, your sanity and sense of self-respect is yours alone to cultivate and nurture.

He can only make you insane and make you feel disrespected if you let him.

Please remember, it is never OK to sacrifice yourself. It is always OK to love yourself more than you love
him.

Be good to yourself. OK?