Play NiceHi,

I'm a 23 year old male and have been married for 3 1/2 years. About a year and a half ago I fell in love with another woman and my marriage fell apart.

My wife and I have tried to work things out several times and I am living with her and my 2 1/2 year old daughter right now. The relationship has been back and forth this whole time... moving in, moving out, getting along, fighting, etc. I want to support my wife and my daughter and be a part of my daughter's life but I really don not want to be married to her anymore.

I am still madly in love with the other woman and I've been trying to stay away from her for my family's sake but I don't want to let her go.

My wife and I are currently renting a house for EXTREMELY cheap from her parents. Her parents are a big problem in our lives and we all need to get out from under them before something bad happens (there has been confrontations before). I want to leave and be with the other woman, stillbe a part of my daughter's life, and not screw my wife in the process (she hasn't worked since my daughter was born).

The only option I've seen was to move back in and "play nice", I'm secretly sacrificing my happiness for the good of my family. I really want the best for my family but I really don't know what to do, it's tearing me apart. Am I doing an honorable thing or am I just stupid. I know no one should take pity on me because I'm a "cheater" but... I don't know... I guess

I have no right to defend myself...

Hi guy.

First of all, you are so young! You are only 23 and you are already married, a father, AND in an affair? Well, maybe the good news for you is that you can start to set yourself straight now so the rest of your life doesnt stay miserable.

My opinion? First, you need to deal with your marriage. Why did you marry your wife? What has changed between you? Can you go to counseling? Can you honestly say right now that this relationship is over?

Second - you have, i presume, fallen in love with one woman, married her, and experienced a rather major change in your feelings in a short time. At your age, it is possible that the same thing will happen with your OW. So it is NOT a good idea to base any decision you make right now on your feelings for OW.

You may be the kind of guy who falls in love with a new woman every three years. You are not old enough to know if this is so. Since I dont know how you dated in highschool or after highschool, I cant give you an opinion on that. But if this is your pattern, you need to deal with that first and foremost.

My belief is that it is never OK to stay married to a woman unless you truly love her and want to be her partner in life. Other people think differently. They say, stay for your daughter.

I disagree. If you stay in a marriage in which you are very unhappy, you benefit nobody. You disrespect your wife by staying out of "pity" or fear rather than love, and you put a lot of pressure on your daughter to be "worth" the "sacrifice" of your happiness. I believe that men who stay in unhappy marriages make little "mistresses" out of their daughters. They put a lot of pressure on the children to fill their emotional needs, and it is NEVER the job of a child to fill the emotional needs of an adult.

So deal with your marriage. Could you possibly re-fall in love with your wife? If not, get out. (But dont marry your OW for Goddess's sake.) Face your life, and who you are. Take responsibility. Be an adult, etc. And do the best you can to be the best father you know how to be to your child through the whole process.

Good Luck.