The TOWdipper and the Bitch Wife

Hi all.

I’ve been waiting for a topic that was not covered in some way in the archives. If you write to AskE and do not get a personal reply, it is because I truly believe your question has been answered in someone else’s story. Look past the personal details and find the themes that apply to you!

Here goes.

The TowDipper and the Bitch Wife

In the past month I’ve had the dubious honor of interacting with four women who share a similar, horrific story. Each woman was involved with an MM who shared four important qualities.

One: each MM came up with the brilliant idea of leaving his wife. “By golly!” each MM proclaimed, “I’m going to leave her!”

Two: Each of these men was married to a bitch. I am not wife-bashing here. Not all MMs are married to bitches, nor are all wives fat, frumpy, bon-bon eating, couch-sitting, sea hag, bitches. We are Wives. Wives are We.

But these particular four MMs were married to bona-fide, Class A, First Rung, Bitches.

Three: Each of these men fell very much in love with OW. Each of these MMs told OW that he had been miserable for years, craving affection, companionship, friendship, communication and love. Each assured OW that she, OW, was everything he wanted. Each relationship with OW lasted over two years before MM stumbled upon the brilliant idea of leaving his wife. Because each felt so strongly about his love, relationship, and desire to be with OW, each started to take action to leave his wife.

One MM told his wife he wanted a divorce and rented a new house for himself. One told his wife he wanted a divorce and, after a time, began to move his belongings into OW’s house. One moved into a new apartment after telling his wife that he wanted a divorce. Finally, one actually DIVORCED his wife. Papers signed, ink dry.

Four: Each of these four men went back to his marriage. Even the man who divorced. He was married to a mean alcoholic. After 8 months of divorce, he went back to his now x-wife.

TOWdippers

A TOWdipper is a very particular kind of MM. He is married to a bitch. He falls in love with OW and dips his toe in the waters of leaving, sometimes diving headlong into the rapids, sometimes timidly swooping a baby toe in the kiddie pool. Sometimes he dons a speedo and no sunscreen, running full speed toward the far shores. Sometimes he wears baggy swimshorts, socks, and a funny hat and squints at the shallow end from under the umbrella. Often, he slowly climbs the ladder to the high dive and poises elegantly while contemplating the grace of his future plunge. He dips. He dives. He plunges.

In each case, he runs back home for the big towel and the spanking for getting wet without mommy’s permission.

It is heartwrenching and soulsplitting to be the OW to the TOWdipper because MM is, in his own eyes, an unhappily married man who meets the love of his life and decides to leave to be with her. MM truly loves OW and demonstrates his desire for happily ever after with her in oodles of ways up until and including divorce.

Until the bitch to whom he is married tells him to come home. You never see it coming.

The lesson of The Bitch.

If you are in love with an MM who is married to a bitch, please take heed of the following six words:

He might like it that way.

We spent a few days on the General Forum discussing the possible reasons why these men like it that way. We did not come to any general conclusion outside of the vague term “mommy issues”. Some women posted stories of wives who act more like angry mommies to their husband than wives. Some of the women posting were these very wives. One woman told of a friend whose husband called to say, “I’m here with OW and I’m leaving you!”. She said, “Oh no you’re not. I’ll have none of this! Get home right now!” He did. (I asked if she told him to zip his jacket and remember his lunchbox).

Some men really like bitch-moms. Even if they think they do not, they do. Some men only feel safe and comfortable with a bitch. You, the OW, may be the passion and soul he has craved. You may be the sweetness, the breath of fresh air, the warmth and the laughter. However, we learn two things from TOWdippers:

1) He can only be with you if he is anchored by the bitch. She and the life he has built with her is the solid, grounded, SAFE structure from which he mounts his run, walk or crawl toward the waves of leaving. He does not know this. Repeat. He does not know this. He believes he is unhappy and wants to escape this cold and loveless cohabitation. He believes he wants to be with OW. He does not know he cannot live without the bitch, his wife, until he faces the true prospect of losing her and all the safety and comfort she offers.

2) The bitch might not have always been a bitch. She, too, might have been his passion, soul and laughter. She might have been fun and lighthearted. She might have turned into the Bitch through the dynamics of the marriage, one half of which are his responsibility.

One Oldtimer on TOW has been a married OW and a BW. She and her husband are still together. She posted that she believes men want to please their wives. It’s like a primary, primal desire.

A man leaving a Bitch might still want to please her if she gives him yet another chance. OWs. Take heed.

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