I used to lie awake at night
And long for his arms to hold me tight
The way I imagine he’s holding you
Hugging each other the whole night through…
I used to dream of how it would be,
If there were no you and his love was for me,
Sharing my dreams, my love and my life,
He as my husband and I as his wife.
I used to believe this was destiny,
He sought me out we were meant to be,
As his mistress I longed for your life with him,
No hiding, no guilt, no sadness, no sin.
I used to long for all of his time,
Not just the few moments that were never mine,
The tears I cried out of loneliness,
Just the price I paid for his caress.
I used to think I could not go on,
Without his touch, his voice, his song,
I studied you, envied you, blamed you for this,
For having it all, sealed with his kiss.
But now I look back as the darkness sets in,
And I lie here and gather the strength from within,
I will no longer settle for second best,
I can no longer wonder, no longer guess.
I craved him so fiercely my heart would bleed,
Though I am wiser now, and I see his deceit,
I no longer wish to trade places with you,
With your rose colored glasses and a love so untrue.
I once assumed you had it all,
In his time of need, your name he calls,
Yet he looks in your eyes as he thinks of me,
And a love like his brings misery…
I used to lie awake at night,
And long for his arms to hold me tight,
That was long ago, when I lost my way,
Now I long to just forget… someday.
