Confused 2

I am not sure why I am writing now. Currently, I am married to the man I had an affair with over 5 years ago. He left his wife for me and he have one child. My story is about a man that I still think about to this day. He was the first man that I ever had an affair with over 5-6 years ago. I have know A all my life. We live in the same small community. We had gone to school together and graduated from high school together. It wasn't until then did I discover that I had feelings for him.

We never got involved until a came home from college, married and had 2 small children. Prior to his marriage, I talked to a woman that became his wife later, to try and talk to him about me. I really never did get anywhere with him because she married him. Which I resented.

We met again years later, but nothing really happened at the time. It wasn't until a year to 2 later did anything happen between us. We were working for the same law enforcement agency and he was on duty at the time. We had dinner with another officer at the time, when we were getting ready to leave the diner. Any rate, he asked if he could borrow my tape player and headset to listen to music while he was on duty because he didn't have any music in his work rig.

At that time, I knew were going to have sex that evening. It was just a gut feeling. I was excited. I was finally getting my chance to be with him. I didn't care that he was married. That was even better for me. I look back at it now and see that it was a revenge on his wife for not getting him and I together.

We met0 minutes later on an isolated road, where we made small talk which led up to him putting his hand down my shorts. I got in his work rig and we went down an isolated road and had sex.

We went on to have sex in my office, his office, his house, and my house. He still excites me sexually even though we haven't been together for along time. I dream about him, I day dream about the times we were together. I don't know what it is that keeps me attracted to him after all this time. I see him almost every day. I work out with him in the gym twice a week.

I don't know why I continue to feel this way, but I don't feel that I am doing any wrong to my husband. Maybe others wouldn't say the same thing. My husband is great in the sex department. He tends to my needs unlike this other man did. but I still have those feelings for him.

So, I wonder if what I am going through is okay, normal? I just would like to hear from others to just talk about it with. I really can't talk to my husband about it or any body in my family. On of that, I feel some what excited just hanging around this man's brother. His brother is 27 and I am 32. I don't know if that the feeling I have feeling with his brother is an extension of what I feel for this man.

I kinda want this man think that I may want to be involved with his brother in order for him to want me. Does that sound dumb or what? I think that in some ways that is kinda messed up. I don't know.

Any answers out there?