Robin

I've known my interest since we were in the 7th grade. We didn't run with the same people however and only ever had two classes with each other in all that time. It was at a class reunion that I ran into him... I have lived out of state from where I grew up for many many years now and no one had seen me for all of those years. I had not attended any previous reunions. As soon as we saw each other it was like lightening and I have not been the same since. I was at the reunion without my spouse and so was he. When we danced we were both so aroused I felt like passion ooozed from my pores. We ended up seeing each other once more before my trip home and there was no question of our mutual attraction. I made the advance on him afraid he wouldn't and having to live with the regret of not taking a chance. I kissed him and he kissed me back..powerfully.

He said that he had been going back and forth as to whether to kiss me or not. We both held control and did not let it go past kissing and I flew home the next day. My heart was changed, as well as my life. I didn't know what had happened to me.. I wasn't looking for it or prepared to know what to do with these sudden newfound feelings. I found a very simple short email waiting for me when I returned and then nothing...I didn't hear anything more. I kept trying to communicate with him with no response. I finally apologized for my behavior and made the decision to let go of it.. and to move on... this is when he decides to email me. We start to email about once a week. He couldn't do more then that due to certain circumstances. But I would wait for what felt like forever to hear from him on the days I knew he would write. I was falling and fast... this was something I knew right away and felt like a foolish school girl who didn't know better or didn't have better hold of her emotions. I felt I was mature enough, if nothing else, not to lose control and I was doing just that. Then suddenly I didn't hear from him anymore... time went by but this time I didn't email him anymore. I waited. I tried to maintain some sort of dignity at any rate. And as I went through the pain of once again realizing I probably meant nothing to this person.. He again sends this short email..explaining that he had been really busy but would email me that or the next day... he didn't. I didn't respond to his short email and to this moment have not yet emailed him. It is too hard when I get myself to a point of letting go and moving on to do this. I can't play games and I don't think I could ever live or deal with being the other woman. I need to be first in someones life and I know I want to be first in his. But as fate has it... I am not free for that nor is he. I am still curious to see if he will indeed email me... but I want this to be real for him as well and not just this sexual fantasy he would like to pursue. If I could have his love... God help me I don't know what I would do. I would really like to hear a guys perspective on this. A man who may be in the same position as mine... he' married.. she's married.. and what went on in his thinking... what made him decide it was worth it to take a chance or leave it all behind? What does it sound like this guy is doing... is he just playing with me emotionally? I know I have not given many details of what has taken place in our conversations nor our confessions... But I figure it doesn't matter... I can not presume for him anyway... I can only speak for myself with any surety....