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He had a crush on me when he first met me in college, but I wasn't really paying attention. And I had already started seeing another guy. He sent me flowers and we hung out together once when we both home for vacation, but I never really thought of him as a boyfriend though. I thought it was more like friends hanging out. When we got to school, he started pledging a fraternity and that's how he found out that I was seeing his fraternity president. He was really mad about that. In fact he sped speaking to me. When I came back to school after summer vacation, he still wasn't speaking to me. I think he didn't speak to me until we had to work on project together and I made him to talk to me by asking him questions while we in front of the rest of the group so that he couldn't ignore me.

Something happened in our student government, which we were both active in and we all ended up choosing sides. Him, myself and another guy were all on the same side at the meeting and we all walked home together, planning strategy. Then we all ended up talking in the other guy's room for hours. MM and I finally left together and then we were still talking in the middle of the quad for a while and he invited me up to his room. I remembering hesitating, but he told me that it would be okay.

We talked for a long time and I laid down on the bed next to him because it was really late and I was tired. He reached for me and held me in his arms and it felt so perfect that it was scary. We cuddled and kissed the rest of the night. He told me that he always cared about me. He came to see me that next night and that was it. I started falling for him very quickly after that. this time when spring break came, he stayed up at school and went home. The first thing I did when I got back was call him and he came over almost as soon as I got back. I even remember what he was wearing, overalls. They were in style at the time. As soon as he walked in I realized that I was in love with me. I remember him asking me why I was acting so shy. Things were fine for about six weeks, until I wanted more. I tried to manipulate him to making us an official couple by telling him that an old boyfriend from home wanted to come up. Instead, he was furious and broke it off with me. I was so miserable for the rest of the semester until the two weeks. I am not sure how it happened. I remembered that he was running for an office in the student government and we ended up making up right before that. His team lost and he felt kind of bad and he came over and I cheered him up. After that we were together again. I remember that we had a small get together in my room during finals week and it was one of the true couples moments that I can remember. During the summer, he went home and I had decided to stay up at school for the summer. His summer job was working security at night and we talked for about four hours every night falling asleep holding the phones. He would come up for the weekend and we would have a great time. Except the last time he came up right before school started. We fought the whole weekend. It was horrible. We were really horrid to each other fighting over anything and everything. We broke up again. Right before school started a male friend who had a crush on me asked if he could stay at my apartment until the dorms opened. Now I told my ex but he got extremely jealous. When he got back to school, he told the other guy that he could have me. When my friend told me that I confronted the ex and he told me it was true. Right then, I decided that I would do whatever I had to get over him and since he had started dating a freshman, I got into a rebound relationship with the other guy. That spring he graduated and went on to grad school a couple of hundred miles away while my rebound relationship fizzled out.

In late October, he came up to visit friends. I was shocked when he sped by to visit me in my new apartment but he had asked one of his frat brothers to track me find me. We talked for a while and he asked if he could come back later. I was giving a birthday party for two friends but told him to come back at 2:00. It was the weekend when the time falls back, so 2:00 a.m. was actually a.m., kind of early to end a college party. Nevertheless, I pretended that I didn't want anyone to throw up in my apartment (everyone was pretty drunk) and kicked everyone out early. Really, I knew my baby was coming over and I wanted to spend time with him by myself! We had another great time and he asked me to come visit him. I came down for spring break and the plan was for us to spend the whole week together. When I got there, we immediately fell in bed together. Then he dropped the bomb. He was still with the other girl. We spent a tense night not speaking and I took the first bus out without saying good-bye. we spoke sporadically after that. I graduated and came home and he called me at my parents house. He came over and again we made love right away. But after the last time, I got scared and sped calling him. And then we lost touch.

I always wondered what had happened to him. Last I had heard, he was moving to another state to work on his Ph.d. I later heard that he had married the freshman and had children with her. I left it at that until one day, playing around on the internet, I began searching for people through the white pages. I was shocked when his name came up at his parents address. I agonized over calling him (a poll of my friends and my sister was overwhelmingly not in favor of the call, but I called him anyway). At first I kept getting the answering machine. But finally he answered the phone. He was shocked when I called him. We talked for maybe an hour and caught up. He told me that while he had not married the freshman, they were living together and had a child. (Okay, so technically, he isn't married). I gave him my telephone number but didn't expect to hear from him because after all, he had someone, right?

He called me four days later. We started chatting about once a week. At first, although I was happy to hear from him, I was fine. But then our fourth call. It hit me. I was still in love with this man! He would flirt with me, but I kept reminding him that he was married. He asked to see me but I would refuse. Until one day, he kept joking about me fixing him up with someone else and I had enough. I told him to never say that to me again because he knows how I feel about him. He told me that he didn't know and that I should tell him. I pointed out that I was the one who had tried to find him, but he said that he had searched for me but that my parent's phone number was unlisted. And he reminded me that it was I, who sped calling him the last time. He also told me that I was the love of his life and that he would always feel that way about me. He apologized for hurting me each and every time, specifically siting incidents that really had hurt me. I asked him about the woman he lives with and he said that she was supposed to move out (it's his house).

We have been together for the last month, although she hasn't moved out. I usually avoid situations like this but because this is someone who is extremely special to me, I have decided to go with it for a while. I am pretty realistic about the possibility that that I am only going to stay in this situation until Decemberst. If she hasn't moved out by then, she probably never will. Since money isn't the issue here, there is no reason why it should even take her that long. But I know it is not about money but about the child they have together. He would really miss his daughter if they weren't living together. Even though we had a history before they ever got together, she has been in his life more than I in the past few years. I just feel though that I have to take this chance. I plan to enjoy the next couple of months and see what happens by Decemberst.