Liz

I transferred jobs about 2 years ago. Packed up my bags and moved awayfrom all of my family and friends. It was time to cut the apronstrings....I had lived in that town all of my life and had the same job from the age of18. It was a very difficult move. I had been out of a very long relationshipfor about a year, and I don't think that I ever really finished grieving. When I first got here, I cried almost every day wanting to go home, wanting mylife back the way it was.

My first day at the new job I saw this very attractive man. I knewthat first day that he would come after me. I was homesick and had other worries,so I didn't think much about it. It took him a while to talk to me, heintroduced himself and said he had seen me around. I thought to myself..."Yeah, IKNOW you've seen me." After I had gotten somewhat settled in and the cryinghad lessened, I started paying attention to what he was saying. At leastonce a week he would ask me if I had a boyfriend, and WHY had I moved there? Every week the answer was the same...."NO, I did NOT have a boyfriend!!" Iwas training at a new position, so for a week we got to have lunchtogether. We have tons in common, and we got along wonderfully!! The physicalattraction was very strong, and I will never forget the first time he touched me. We were having lunch and he put his hand on my shoulder as he saidsomething. Well, needless to say, I didn't hear a word he said. He talked abouthis kids a lot, and I knew he was married so I kept the attraction to myself.

He invited me to meet his family, his kids, which I did. I had a greattime albeit somewhat uncomfortable due to my attraction for him).....andwhen I was getting ready to leave one of his kids asked me not to leave. Myheart melted into a little pile of MUSH!!! I put ALL thoughts of arelationship OUT of my head!!! At work the next week, I told him that he shouldappreciate what he had, that his kids were great, and that his wife seemed nice. Hedidn't say much to that. It wasn't long after that he started telling meabout their problems. He cried on my shoulder and I listened and did what I couldto console him. I offered to baby-sit so he could take her out for anight on the town....which I did.

He constantly complimented me....how pretty I was, how good I smelled,how nice I was dressed, what a nice person I was. I would catch him out ofthe corner of my eye watching me while I was talking or laughing withsomeone else. He made me feel incredibly special and attractive.

The problems began when his wife went out of town. He invited me out forbreakfast, told me to meet him at his house and we would go from there. When I got to his house, he had MADE me breakfast, waited on me hand andfoot. We spent the day together.....I had never felt SO comfortable withsomeone, I did NOT want the day to end. I left him and went home. When I walked inthe door the phone was ringing. It was him...he said "Would it ruin ourfriendship if I touched you?" He wouldn't let me answer, told me to think about it. I think he had to think about it as well.

I HAD been thinking about it!!! I felt attractive and I wanted to"play". I figured we were friends and the attraction was getting in the way. Ithought we would get it out of our systems, get bored with it, and go on withthe friendship, no one would get hurt. I did NOT NOT NOT want to fall inlove or get involved!!!! We started talking dirty to each other, he wouldwhisper in my ear what he wanted to do, and I would do the same....just littleteases. We finally made love, which was incredible. After our first time, hesat me down and told me that how he didn't want to hurt me, and that he had awife and kids....bla, bla, bla. He then told me this was bad for me, that hewanted to take me to the movies, sit across from me at dinner, etc. Itold him....."Hmmmm.....sounds like it sucks for YOU, I don't want or need any ofthose things!!!"

I fought falling in love tooth and nail. I was rude, sarcastic, whenhe would get mushy with me I would change the subject to something sexual. Nomatter how rude I was or sarcastic, he kept plugging away. I don't know whenor how it happened, but it did, I fell in love. When I am with him alone orhim and the children, I feel like I am "home." That's a feeling I have NEVERfelt before, with my family, or with my ex....

The problems began when I quit my job. I went from seeing him everyday to rarely talking to him. I found that I was giving, and giving, and doingthings for him (emotional and otherwise), and doing things for hischildren, and getting nothing in return. I felt emotionally drained, and ANGRY ashell!!! He called me, but not as often, and when he did I would startscreaming about what I wasn't getting and what I deserved, etc., etc. Iscreamed because I loved and missed him!!!

I did some reading....a little amateur psychology, and found out I wasdoing things ALL WRONG!!!! I want this relationship to work, even if it IStemporary. That's where I am now. I'm trying to take back a littlemore of myself every day. I don't give so much....and believe it or not I'mgetting more back!!! I've made so many mistakes in this relationship and pastones....and I'm trying to learn from my mistakes and not make themagain!!!