Cowgirl

My affair with MM began nine years ago in1. My MM lives halfway across the United States. At first we only talked over the telephone, then, about 6 months later we met. There wasn't any physical attraction for me at that first meeting. We worked closely on the project together for 3 years. As time went by I began to think about him constantly. He called quite frequently and I began to schedule my time so I wouldn't miss his calls. I loved his voice and our talks. He was becoming a large part of my life even though he lived so far away. We talked about everything. The physical part of our affair began with00 foot waves thrashing the rocks behind us on a moonlit night in the Fall of4.

During the next 5 years, we met in several cities across the United States for a day, a weekend or whatever time we could spare so we could be together. I was desperately in love with MM, completely addicted to the euphoria of the affair. When I was with him, the physical feeling was like none I had experienced in my life. I couldn't wait to get a fix. I enjoyed his company, our sexual relationship was completely fulfilling and I truly thought we were soul mates. MM couldn't leave his wife of 28 years because of the family business they were building together. I told MM in the beginning I couldn't leave my husband of 30 years as we also own a family business. Then, the walls came tumbling down, when last Fall, almost exactly to the day we met, I overheard him tell TOW he loved her on the telephone. I couldn't believe my ears at first. I asked MM who he was talking to-he lied and said it was a business associate. I asked MM again-this time he said it was his Mother. I found a telephone number on a scrap of paper in the room. We spent the morning together, but I was in shock. He flew away to another meeting and I was left devastated trying to sort out the terrible reality of my life. My personal life was a mess as I had spent all my free moments dreaming about MM all the while ignoring my husband. The next day I sent MM an email telling him it was over, that we had begun as friends, became lovers and now had come full circle to friends again. I have only heard from him once since that terrible day and he only said "how are you" on the pager and the he had to go. When he wouldn't call me or e-mail me, I called the number I found that day in the room. At first TOW hung up the telephone, but the next call TOW answered. I confirmed what my woman's intuition told me...MM had been working with the other TOW on a project for five years and they had been having a physical relationship for the past 2 years. By the middle of January I was in clinical depression and am now seeing a counselor trying to sort out the mess I have made of my life. MM was very cruel when the relationship ended. He wouldn't talk to me to give me a since of closure. Today I am having a funeral for the MM I was having the affair with. I am burning all of the books I have read on affairs since that day, his pictures and any other triggers that remind me of the Cowboy. I will through the ashes out in the ocean where we first met and close this chapter of my life. He is DEAD. I still have a lot of healing to do, but time will help. I can only be thankful I didn't give up a husband that truly loves me, my family and home, for a shallow, inconsiderate, cruel, lying traveling salesman.