Amanda

Our first meeting was at, of all places, the office Xmas party. He hadjust been recruited from overseas as the new Knight in Shining Armour,hereto save the company from rack and ruin. There had been all sorts ofrumors about him for weeks through the company - he was married but hiswife was staying in their home country for the first six months, hisdaughter had a thoroughbred, he drove a Harley etc. At the end of theparty I found myself in a small group heading off for drinks with him. Wedid talk and dance that night, and I did think he was attractive buttheredefinitely were NO fireworks.

He, of course, went on in the next couple of weeks to make his mark onthecompany which didnt win him any friends - me included. I thought he wasarrogant - till the day he said he had tickets for a concert - would Igowith him? This was a man in the office who you dont say No to! Weak,stupid me said YES. I kicked myself all the next day, wondering how togetout of it, but went anyway. After the concert we talked till about 3am.He was a completely different person to the man I saw at work. Verycaring, great sense of humour, passionate about life and devoted to hischildren. Dinners followed and the relationship started. At first itwasjust like any 'normal relationship. His wife and kids were still intheirhome country and while I knew plans where under way for them torelocate, Ibelieved I would end it at that point. Six weeks after we started hestated he would leave his wife after they were settled here, he wantedtoknow my commitment as he was falling in love and didnt want to gethurt.This was a big shock for me. I didnt want his kids and wife beingalonein an unfamiliar country, however by this stage I was falling in lovetoo.His rationale for bringing them out here is very long - but the upshotofit was, he felt he was doing the right thing by them - and I believedhewould know the best thing for his family.

His family's arrival in the country was devastating for me. I had tonowadjust to seeing a married man - who couldnt see me when I wanted it,couldn't take my phone calls etc. That time in my memory is pretty muchablur. I do remember meeting his son on a number of occasions and takinghis daughter horse riding - these were BIG mistakes.

About six weeks after this time his wife found out. She found cardsfromme to him that he had left in the side board! Not exactly a good hidingplace! His wife demanded to meet me, if I wouldn't she would 'hunt medown', in other words come to the office. The day I met her will beforever etched in my memory. I cant enter the Mall we met in even now.She didnt rant and rave, she had written everything down and read itcalmly. At the end she threatened that if we continued she woulddestroyus. She explained that the only outcome would be for them all to movebackto their home country. That was like a knife through my heart. Thethought of never seeing him again steeled me into action. Afterwards Irang him (well I got rolling drunk with my girlfriends afterwards andranghim the next day) and said if he was going to leave then do it.... ifnotwe couldn't have anymore contact. After all the lies and deception I wassick of it. Whatever we did from here we would do it the right way. Hevowed to leave - that night. I waited till1:30pm when the phone rang-he said he couldn't- not tonight. The next night I waited up all night,at10am he rang - he still couldn't leave his kids. That was it - I gaveup.I packed my bags, told him to let work know I was off for a couple ofdays(told him to come up with any excuse he wanted) and went to Mums. Aftertwo days of constant phone calls and me telling him I didnt want to hearfrom him, he rang to say he had just left and had checked into a hotel.The word ELATION hardly describes how I felt. I stayed with Mum for afurther two days - I didnt trust that he wouldn't go back.

Well he didnt go back! We have been living together for almost a yearandas time goes on we get happier and more committed. So much in my lifehaschanged - I had to change jobs but I have the sort of relationship Ialwaysdreamed about.

There is a down side. His kids have put a condition on theirrelationshipwith him now and that is that I cant be involved with them in any shapeorform. They feel as much betrayed as their mother. This hurts me and mypartner and causes friction between us. They have moved back to theiroriginal country so my partner doesnt get to see them as much as he'dlike.We constantly go through the 'what ifs' but the choices we made alongtheway were our choices and we cant change them.

Do I regret the affair - absolutely! But given the choice of being withhimin the circumstances we went through or not being with him at all - Idchoose him any day!!