Santana

My story is similar to many. I knew from the start that he was married but theintensity, the chemistry between us was too much to resist. The first time wekissed, it was magic and when after a year of waiting and longing, we finallycame together, it was wonderful and it became so good that I gave up beingwith other men.

Now I think about him all the time...and I know he thinks about me. I know hiswife and she has mental problems and he is unhappy there. The problem is thatI live right around the corner. He wants me to move so that we can betogether...but with my history with men, I don't trust.

I myself am not married..but I am often lonely. Driving by the house knowinghe is in there, maybe holding her in his arms as he does me, slowly tears meapart. Taking care of myself is a priority. I work and take care of my kidsbut if a quiet moment goes by, it is him that I think about.

In a story, I read..."how do you leave your best friend?" and that is how Ifeel. We have such a wonderful connection. I was able to go to the movies withhim the other day..think of that! Out in public. All I could do was hold hishand for two hours..it felt so good. This is like a roller coaster ride thatgoes up really high and drops you really low. It is magic between us...he isthe first man who looks me in the eyes when he makes love to me, there are somany things that we are to each other, so many ways that we can be to eachother if life and circumstances allowed.

So I wait, with God's help, I will move. I need to move because I am tooclose. I need distance, if he comes with me...I would be happy. If he doesnot, then it will not break me. I remember he left me once for a 4 days..I wasdevastated. The only song I listened to was Aretha Franklin's "Rose is still arose." And I slowly got better, I avoided seeing him and I got stronger. Thenhe came back and I fell for him again. He came back with a new commitment,like married men could be committed! but I love him with all my heart and heis my best friend and I will continue to love him until I learn to love myselfenough to not settle for second best any longer.

I hope that is soon, God bless everyone who is going through the same...I wishyou well.