Angie

I have had several affairs with married men. The first one was the worst. Ireally did fall in love with him for who he was. We had a spiritual bond, andto this day both of us believe we should have been together. He says hecouldn't leave his daughter. I say he was just unhappy with his wife and sawthe error of his ways.

The second one was just because it seemed to be the right time and the rightperson. It ended quickly.

The third one was very short-lived and completely a mistake.The fourth one lasted almost a year, and he left his wife for me. At thatpoint, I decided I didn't want him, and he returned. We are still friends tothis day, but we are not involved in "that way"

The fifth one lasted almost two years, and he left his wife for me. He wantedto marry me, and for awhile I thought I wanted to marry him too, but he waspossessive, and hated when I wanted to do things with my friends. Afterseveral months of being completely alienated, I finally left him.

The sixth one was the same as Number Two. The same man, I mean. It stilldidn't last too long, but we became good friends in the process and still talkon occasion.

The seventh one lasted for about six months. He left his wife for me as well.I began to see why their marriage had failed, and decided I didn't wantanything to do with him anymore. He has a restraining order against him now.What a psycho!

The eighth one is still going on. He is very much like the first one, and Ican see clearly that I have learned nothing from any of these experiences. Itake that back. I have learned that I like self-destructive behavior, that forsome reason I want to think that someone would find me so wonderful that theywould sacrifice so much for me. None of these previous people really caredabout me--they were looking for a way out of the hellish marriage they helpedcreate. I am definitely in love with Mr. #8, but I can't say whether or not Ithink we have any future together. Again, he is one of those who promises hewill leave his wife as soon as he gets some savings together.

I am actually ashamed of this history, and what I want most is to learn fromothers about how to heal myself. The emptiness and worthlessness I feel duringand after these relationships is so painful. I hope to share with other womenin the same situation and hopefully learn and recover together.