Choices(him)

We met on line just talking about little things. She was so sad you could tell it in her words and her lack of zest for life. During oneof our many conversations she told me that she had just lost her love. She had an on line relationship that did not work out well. We talked and she begin to smile it took a while but I could sense the goodness and love that she had inside of her.

She loves computers and was so interested in all things about them such a thirst for knowledge. It was close to Christmas and she wanted a new hard drive for her computer. We met in real life at a computer show.

I will be wearing a blue hat I tell her so you can't miss me, the tallone with a blue had that says Hawaii on it. Of course she does miss me and walks on by. I hear a voice from heaven calling my name and turn and she asks if it is I. We touch hands the electricity flows on those steps that cold December morning. The world becomes a bit brighter. We walk the floor together I am marvelling in her beauty and enjoy each second with her, the time goes by so fast. We part and agree to meetin a week to put the hard drive in her computer. We work together she is smiling and laughing, such joy to be together. We kiss good bye andthe emotions flow within me but I must contain them she is married and soam I.

We continue to talk and become friends enjoying each others company. It is light and good just friends, trusting, talking and beginning to become more attached as time goes on. She has such goals in her life I want to help her reach them all, to see her archive her goals brings me such joy. She puts up a home page, one that she has dreamed of we both laugh and jump for joy when it is up. It is so good, she is so happy to accomplish her dreams and I am happy for her. Her joy is my joy. We both know it but neither says it for a while but while with her wekiss, holding her in my arms I have to say I love you. She smiles and says I love you. We know that it will be hard know that there is probably no future in our love but it is so good and strong.

We make love after much talking and touching and thinking. It is not something we rush into. The love making has to be for us for love not for the sex. It is so beautiful, she smiles at me and we hold eachother so right in all things.

It is so hard to be apart we have our link no the net to keep us together while we are physically apart. We are so in love and need to be together so much.

She tells me she has been talking on line and that it got a little carried away. She is always truthful with me. She is spending hours on line with a "friend" day and night. She calls him spends six hours on the phone. She is so wonderful I think she is trying to tell me she wants her freedom and I am holding her down. I tell her that I am leaving her, it breaks my heart, but she is wanting this and just does not have the heart to tell me she wants to go. I love her enough to let her go.

We talk trying to be friends, I have to tell her I Love her, she is confused. If I Love her why did I tell her good bye. I try to explain she sees things different from me. She can say I love you to people, a female thing I guess, when a guy says I Love you it means, I LOVE YOU AND ONLY YOU. We are back together we meet we hold each other we make love. It is the most complete love in the world.

Time has gone by, I told he good bye again. I do it because I cant be there when she needs me. I feel like I am holding her back, she needs more than I can give her. I only want her to have happiness in this world. She needs more than I can give her now. We talk but I can't let her go. She is a part of me my life.

We are together, we meet when we can. I love her but still have such fears that I am holding her back, keeping her from achieving all that she wants to out of life. I feel so guilty for intruding into her life she has made with her family. I love her and want to be with her. I love her enough to let her go if that is what she needs and wants. She still has to tell every person on the net she loves them. I am trying to become more tolerant but it is a bit hard at times. She has so much love and joy to share with the world. I will be with her soon, we need to decide what we are going to do in life. We both know that we are ata point that it is go for the gold of our love, or go our separate ways.

I want her to be happy.