Duo

I have been with my MM for going on 5 years now. If you had told me a while back that I would be in this situation I would have laughed in your face! HA HA!Not making excuses but I didn't know he was married for the first few months. It was too good to be true, really! I fell for him hard and fast and was in pure bliss before the bomb dropped. And although I was devastated when I learned the truth it was too late for me to back out.

He says he does not love his wife and I believe him. If he were to leave her right now he would be in dire financial straits. This I know for a fact. Although I do wish he would make the break even if we had to live in a cardboard box, I understand that it is not practical. And so I wait and wait for everything to be straightened out.

His wife seems to have no clue what is going on. He is with me on a set schedule: 4 whole days a week and an overnighter/2 or 3x a day phone calls on the days he is not here. I know to some it might seem like a lot butI want more. I want it all.

I have no doubts that he loves me. He does everything possible and more to prove this to me. But I realize now that I could be waiting indefinitely and that is very hard for me to handle. One day I can't stay and the next I can't leave. Of course this takes a toll on me emotionally and I lash out at him. And then I feel relieved and apologize and this happens over and over again.He thinks of me as Dr. Jekyll and Mrs. Hyde. Awwww Poor guy, never knows who will greet him at the door. But you know what...Frig him!! But that is a taste of what I have been like lately....

So right now I have my eyes closed and am holding on tight waiting....and either the ride will s or I will fall/jump off!