Confused

My affair has been going on for nine months now. He is my manager at work and I got to know him for working with him alot. We just started have drinks at a bar and then he came over and we fooled around. The only reason why I even got involved was becuase I wanted my ex boyfriend back and I thought this could be a filler. Well three months went by and we started falling in love. His marriage has been over for a long time but he is scared of his wife and ending the marriage.

Things were great until recently when I want more and he can't give any. I do fear anyone finding out but I don't know what to do about it. I have tried to end it but I can't because I love him so much but I don't want to hurt anyone. His kids come first of course, but his happiness is important too. He has slept on the couch for nine years of their ten year marriage and has fallen out of love with his wife. I have tried to shut him out but it is very hard. I am doing a good job right now becuase he is on a cruise for their tenth anniversity. I am very angry at him for doing this but he said he coudl not get out of it. I even tried to move on and was burned by my ex boyfriend. I am sick of men all together but it does not make me love him less.