Soulmate

I met my MM at my weekend job. It started when i told a friend that worked with him that i liked him. He told him, but explained he was married. When my friend told me that, i just said, "oh, that's ok. Forget it." I don't go after married men. So, later that day as we we're leaving a man called out my name. It was him! I was surprised and curious. At the same time a little intimidated. He told me it was flattering and nice and if we could talk one day, nothing more, it would be nice. He was so sweet. He made me have butterflies and it felt so good. I knew he wasn't a player. So i agreed, thinking his intentions was sex of course, but it was nothing more then talking and getting to know each other and he didn't even try anything! We talked and wrote nice e-mails to each other for the next few weeks. One nite, i told him i was starting to like him and that i wanted to kiss him, but we didn't. The next nite he thought about what i said and he kissed me! I was shocked of course and for one month we fooled around and talked. Knowing it was wrong, but it felt too right to be true.

Suddenly, his conscience got the better of him and his W was asking questions. He resulted in telling her and he didn't speak to me for two months. It was really messy for him. I was devastated, all i could think of was that he hated me. I missed him so much that all i wanted to do was take everything back and help him. And, from past experience i knew it was best to just leave all alone no matter how much i wanted to help him. Those were the slowest and worst two months of my life. Then I received an e-mail from him. I was surprised, but all i wanted to do was listen to him and offer my heart and apologies for ruining any part of his life. He accepted and we e-mailed each other for a month. One evening we went out in the city and had dinner and talked all nite until 5 am. At this point all i wanted to do was save our friendship. I thought he was worth it. As i was getting out of the car to go in for the night, he took my hand and kissed it. I was in total disbelief and schocked and confused, but i liked it and couldn't s smiling for the nite and the days after. I know things would be okay and that's all i wanted to take it for, but eventually one thing led to another and we started heating things up again. We've tried so many times to just s, to just "be good" for the fact it was wrong and not fair to any of us, including his W. The passion between us was so great and amazing it was like any other i've ever experienced. But, during our rendez-vous i started getting feelings for him, feeling so connected i knew in my heart he was feeling it too.

But even though my feelings were so strong, I cared about his feelings too, so every time we we're together, i held on tightly to my will power and made sure we didn't make love. (I didn't want him to regret anything we did) It was so unbelievabely hard, but we didn't do it! I asked him a few weeks ago if he really loves his wife, and he told me yes, not to hurt me, but to be honest. I felt uneasy about his answer, i believe he loves her but he's not in love with her. I mean how could anyone hold me the way he did. Love me with his passion. I thought, he can't just do this to anyone? Not like this. I care about him more than life itself. But, i never told him that. I try to play it cool and try to just enjoy each other's company. We've never told each other we loved each other, but i know we do. It's there, i can feel it. I won't tell him, because i know i'll lose him. We talk alot. He always listens to everything i have to say and vs. I always try and say positive things about his marriage and himself. And he does the same for me. Strangely enough though, he's kind of becoming my best friend. I feel like i can tell him anything.

A couple of weeks ago he slept over. We just fooled around but the passion was so intense that we came pretty close to making love. He holds me like there's no tomorrow. He kisses me wherever i have skin. He reaches to hold my hand. He makes sure i'm fully fullfilled sexually. He listens and pays every attention to every word i say. He does everything every woman has ever wanted a man to do. B

ut, after that nite, i didn't hear from him for two weeks. He e-mailed me once and than cancelled our next plans together. So, one nite he called. He told me after that nite he was starting to feel guilty, and that maybe we should be friends. I agreed because i didn't want him to think i was crazy about him, although I was. At first i was really upset and crying and depressed at work. But now i'm starting to realize that i could lose both lover and my friend. And i don't want that. I care for this man a great deal, and i would do anything to make him happy. Even if that means giving our passion up. But he's the one willing to make an effort at being my friend. And you know, that's worth something. And he is becoming my best friend and that's a joy that could last a lifetime. And i don't want to lose that for anything. Although the attraction is still there, we're going to try and do this as friends. Even though it is hard.

I know in my story it may sound like i'm the one who is only in love here. But if you only knew the closeness we shared, well, i just can't explain it, it was just wonderful. I once asked him if he wasn't married would things be different? He told me, definately! And i guess i can live knowing that. Who knows, maybe our friendship will grow stronger and something will come out of it. They say a good friendship can lead to everlasting love. (I heard that once) The kind you've never dreamt about. But all of us in these stories, well our dreams right now are our realities no matter how the turn out. And none of us would want to go back and do things differently. I know i wouldn't. I know this man is my soulmate and that's something i can keep for myself for as long as i live. We're playing tennis on Sunday. :-)