Boheme

I guess my story is very much like any other, the difference is that I was not looking for trouble. I have always been a quiet person who enjoys her friends throughout the world, and we email constantly. We exchange information, poems and other cultural material. I was so silly that I followed friends advise and sent my profile in an ad where I clearly stated I am a decent woman, what I wanted were pen pals. It was a private ad and I had asked that no married men were to be included in any information sent to me. I do not believe in marriage but I never wanted to hurt another woman. It never crossed my mind.

I received his first email around the end of January he sounded very shy and young, so I send him the information about a certain country he had asked and some little bit about myself. I was so silly I even colored the different geographical areas. About fifteen days went by and I had forgotten all about my rainbow friend. His email began to come in daily asking so very much about me, my family the countries I have visited and I kept asking are you married? He would not answer and kept me very busy with my replies and I kept asking are you married or in a loveless marriage? Then he answered he was in a "something like that". I told him that I did not want to write to a married man but he kept asking about feelings, children, soul, heart, body and so on. I began to feel he was a friend and opened my soul to him I told him what I only know about my self.

He would call me his little............and other beautiful names, he would say we were lovers and he was thinking of me and feeling of me, I was so very confused. When he said I was prudish in lovemaking and I answered with the full information about that subject I even explained the Kamasutra Temple in India. I now know he was coaching me. I don't know how it got to this but I knew this was wrong and told him. His answer was "does a married man not fill your needs" I got very upset and blew my at him, but he "humbly" arranged the situation to make it sound like I was having a menopause attack. It went on for two additional months, my life began to depend on his several emails a day and his ICQ calls every night, and all I lived for was the computer and HE in it. He had said that he could feel in the keyboard, oh Lord how stupid can a woman get, but then I guess I wanted to believe in HIM.

A few days ago I got this very dirty email from him to someone else. I send it back to him and asked why? I knew I could ignored it or raise hell, I chose to raise hell and all the lies pored out, he even said he had flattered me with those beautiful words to make me feel wanted and cherished in an appropriate way. This "appropriate" word sounds so harmless but it is so sinful.

What do I make of his last email? He is a poor and honest married man who has been harassed by me, he felt obliged to make me happy, so it is my entire fault. I don't want to make anything of the whole story I don't think it is worth the effort.

Now I feel bitter, stained, and guilty the hurt is killing me. After I finish this short story I will drive to the airport and take my booked flight to Europe. Then to the Sahara the only peaceful place in this world visited only by those who have found the world to be too small and in my case a world with people who enjoy hurting others.

My only fault was to trust him, my only mistake was to let him coach me into something that was not right and my great sin was to tell him all about myself. I am a free divorced woman of many years perhaps too many but I was doing just great by myself. Writing my books, travelling to beautiful places, enjoying my lovely music and finally just a happy woman. I will be a happy woman again that is my challenge now and I know I can make it happen.