Freedomlady

From the first time I saw him there was such magic that it made meweak. Ifthere is such a thing as a soul mate I was sure that I had found mineand feltin an instant that I was blessed for the encounter. I wasn't leavinghispresence until I found out what this incredibly spiritual connection Iwasfeeling was all about so I gathered my strength and asked, "Hey by theway, doyou date." He said yes, walked over to me and said something to theeffectthat he was feeling a very incredible chemistry with me. I told him Ihadfelt the same, gave him my number and left.

He said he paced all dayholdingmy number. I was unable to contain my anticipation of his call. Whenhecalled he said he really wanted to see me. He had never felt anythinglike hefelt when our eyes locked. I knew what he was talking about for I feltittoo. And then the bomb fell. I have to be upfront with you he said,I'mmarried. My heart sunk and I struggled with what to say next but ourencounter almost seemed supernatural and I had to find out what it wasallabout.

That was 6 weeks ago. During those six weeks we have had themostpowerful, spiritual union. When we make love it is so intense I havethefeeling of oneness wit him that I have never felt before. We loosetracttime, it seems to go away and I am so lost in his love I am transportedaway.Neither of us have ever experienced anything like this before.

I seehimoften. 3-4 times a week and he calls every day. We communicate byemail andinstant messages. I feel that we are the yin and yang of life. I feelaninternal voice telling me to cherish the gift but I am beside myselfthat heis still with his wife every night and admits he has to take care of hersexually so she is not suspicious. I am not normally a jealous personbutthis is eating on me in a way I cannot control. I feel that what wehave issuch a special gift that this still being home is a mockery to ourlove. Hehas a wife that has been very abusive to him but feels that they havegonethrough a lot together and he needs to stay through obligation. He has2children, both teen-agers. Last night I asked him to make a choice. He saidhe needed to stay with his wife for now. He said it is just a matterof timebefore he will be with me. He is ridden with guilt when he thinks aboutleaving her as he has held her together for years with a mental healthdisorder which he helps her with. He feels stuck. She is not what hewants.I am everything he wants. His wife and I are opposites. I am strongandindependent and very capable of giving him intense love. She is at apointwhere she is sick and can only be abusive.

I told him I couldn't goon. Lastnight I cried such intense pain as he told me this choice had to be tobe withhis wife. I felt stabbed. He cried when I told him I was moving on andneeded to break it off because I was actually sick and shaking most ofthetime. I cannot control the pain I am feeling. And so today is day onewithout him in my life. I feel he needs to make a decision to allowhimselfsome joy in his life. Only the future will tell how this will all playoutfor I do not feel I am done with it yet. I want to be but our bond issointense.