Lovesick

I've known him for a year and a half now, and for the last six months we'veactually been having a legitimate, dating relationship. That's right - heleft. And I did, too, because I was married when I met him. But how we gothere and where we are now is a long story!

I met him at work. I was on the committee who interviewed and hired him. Iremember the first time I set eyes on him as he walked into our building andI greeted him. I was impressed with him - he was highly intelligent and funto be around. He felt the same about me. He went home that night and calledmy voice mail just to hear my voice. He was intrigued from the start.

He took the job, and a few months later was promoted and became my boss. Weworked together well, and a friendship developed. The company's annualconvention approached, and a group of employees including he and I werescheduled to go. I could tell something was up when he told me and anotherwoman that he was not going to the company golf game (he's an avid golfer)because he'd prefer to spend his free time during the trip hanging aroundwith us. I felt that was strange, but was elated because I enjoyed hiscompany so much.

The three of us flew to the convention together, and proceeded to get loopyon the plane, rent a convertible, and generally made a party of it. At theend of the day, I walked back up the stairs to my room and wished I hadschemed a way to continue hanging around with him. I found out later that hefelt the same way.

The next day, he stuck to me like glue. Once again, he and I and the samecoworker ended up having dinner & drinks together. On the taxi ride back tothe hotel, I said "Anyone want to take a walk on the beach?" The coworkersaid "No, too tired!" so he and I went. And the rest, so they say, ishistory...

I returned home from that trip very confused, yet elated. I knew that mymarriage had been in turmoil, and this only supported that. During the nextfew weeks, I decided that I needed to see somebody to talk about what wasgoing on, since the affair continued to grow and my marriage continued todisintegrate. I was lucky - I had stumbled upon a wonderful therapist, whohelped me realize that my marriage was dead regardless of what happenedbetween MM and I.

Five months after my affair started, my husband moved out and we started thedivorce process. He still, to this day, doesn't know about my affair. Wedivorced amicably, and I know I did the right thing.

The affair, however, is another story. My MM repeatedly stated he did notwant a divorce, and he loved his wife. I was living alone now, and weentered the hardest part of our relationship. The first six months were good- we supported each other, we grew. The second six months, though, were verydifficult. Most physical contact sped, at his request. We still talkedand emailed several times a day, and met for coffee or a drink at least oncea week. I learned patience.

At one point, about ten months into the relationship, we had a major blowupbecause I had set up a date with another man. He did not want me seeingother men. I (obviously) had a hard time with that, as I was not gettingwhat I needed from him in either time, or physical affection, or all thoseother things that one wants in a relationship. After fighting miserably fordays, I came to the conclusion that I *did* need to wait for him, but Iwould do it on my terms. I agreed not to date other men, and not to breakoff our relationship for six months, while he tried to decide what he wanted- me, her, some other life, whatever. He knew he was confused and unhappy,and pledged to figure it out.

He started going to a therapist, and just about exactly a year after westarted seeing each other, he went to his wife and told her that he neededto move out of their house. He did not initially tell her about me. He toldher that his work with the therapist had convinced him that he needed to getsome space to himself in order to figure things out. Within days, sheconfronted him about me, and he told her everything.

He did move out, and we have been seeing each other for about six monthsnow. We live separately, and we continue to talk several times a day and seeeach other a few times a week. We are not out of the woods, yet, so tospeak! He feels a lot of guilt and confusion over the demise of hismarriage, and it's been hard on both of us to deal with that. He gets angryand sad, and berates himself for lying to his wife for so long. But, we bothcontinue to see what drew us together initially, and there is still anamazing bond of intimacy between us.